Jackie turned one way then the other in the bed Zuberi and Vivian had lent her. She felt like she should sleep, but yet her mind was sharp and restless from the day’s events. She sat up, pulling her hair back from her face and tying it back again as she debated for a moment. I’m not going to get any sleep here anyway, she decided at last and rose, opening the door quietly and slipping out the door. As silently as she could, she headed down the hall and then stairs, pausing when she reached the bottom to listen if she disturbed anyone’s rest. Satisfied that her hosts were still secure in dreamland, she opened the door to go wandering through the Sept.

Wrapping her arms around herself, she walked slowly with no real destination in mind, just needing movement, moonlight, and earth beneath her feet. For a while, she tried keeping her mind blank, but invariably her mind returned to the les than pleasant thoughts of the day. One hand reached down to rest over the unborn lives growing within her and she swallowed hard. The children must die, the writing had said. Her children…their existence had prolonged Jett’s life; otherwise he’d probably be dead already. She closed her eyes and shook her head. She felt like a callous fool now. Just the day before, she’d been trying to work towards breaking up with him, and now she’d give anything to keep him safe and next to her where she could watch over him. But that would be the last thing to keep him safe now. Now he wasn’t the hunter’s quarry her, or rather, those within her were. Depending on how well equipped they were and now ruthless, she could be putting the shifters here in danger. She tilted her head back to look up towards the sky. “That’s the last thing I want to happen…” she spoke softly to Lady Luna. The sound of her own voice, and the break in it, startled her and she dropped her gaze again, moving quicker now.

This was her family. Even if she left here, left King’s Bay, the twins were her family…the first family she’d ever really had. Her hand tensed on her belly, No. I won’t let some fanatic kill them. They are my children, Coyote’s children. They will not be harmed because of someone’s faith or desire for vengeance. She paused. The wall had mentioned vengeance as well. What had happened…what had Jett done? She shook her head, How did they know he was a vampire? He’s only been like that for…what, a month an a half? Two? She shook her head, if he’d done something and it was endangering her…their children… She sighed, What can I do. I can’t even shapeshift now. I don’t really have a way to… She stopped in her tracks and thought for a moment, Yes…there is a way I can defend myself. I just…I’ll just need to go to town tomorrow, maybe call a couple people. These are mortal men, not vampires or shifters. A bullet will make them just as dead as tearing their head off. Not perfect, but better than having to rely wholly on others.

She nodded and turned back towards the house, hoping she would be able to sleep. She had a lot to do tomorrow to not be helpless.

Current Music: Broken - Amy Lee, Seether

Billy

Definition of idealist in a way. He’s making steps towards being a realist a bit more, but gauging how well he’s dealing with it, he’s gonna crumble before he’s done. He’s the last person, in a world where monsters often win, I would have made a supernatural creature. Those associated with us weird things tend to get hurt, and those who are the weird things tend to get hurt worse. There’s no happy ending for us, no comfort zone, and something always comes knocking to tear us down. Kid’ll be lucky if he comes out with his sanity in check.

I’d try giving him some advice as to how to cope, but what can you really tell someone like him? Buck up, the world isn’t sunshine and apple pie? People get hurt, monsters win, what matters is you keep trying in spite of getting hurt? Gah. Kid’s doomed.

 

Cynistar

Kill it. Kill it with fire.

Okay, kidding aside (least I think I was kidding), this poor sap is such a case of tragedy it’s sad. Like a friggin Greek tragedy, where everyone dies. No good will come of letting him live, I say. Then again, I say that about most vampires, so who am I to judge?

 

Vincent

Alright, now this guy I like. Little prone to violence, but who am I to judge? His attitude, his viewpoints…generally a nice guy as long as you’re not one of the monsters. Even though cats really aren’t as much my thing, I really wouldn’t mind grabbing something to drink with him someday. Not something I can say for a lot of the people here.

 

Zuberi

Uber serious alert! Could we take things more seriously? I mean really, I’m not saying laugh at everything, but you’ll drive yourself to an early grave if you’re serious 24/7. Trust me, I know. Lighten up!

Oh yeah, and congrats on your nuptials and stuff.

The writer apologises, but Cleosia rambles a lot when talking about people.

Sean

Okay, this kid…eh, I’m biased here. See, he seems like a nice guy in general, in spite of his parentage, but… I have a bit of resentment here for him, seeing as he’s got everything he can desire, or can generally buy it if he wants it and the rest of us have to sometimes dig through the shitpile to just survive…but I’m not bitter.

Okay, it’s nice that he wants to look out for his friends, that he’s willing to put his money where it can do the most good, and all that, but…gah.

 

Heather

The definition of a Dy’si* …I mean, she’s just so…Vulnerable, sacred, broken. She needs someone to help mend shattered wings so that she can fly again. She really appeals to the baser instincts I hold…I want to draw  blade and stand before her to protect he from the world, which really may not be the best thing for her. At least, not forever.

 

Jade

Honestly, I don’t know her too well. I mean, she had some fucked up parents, I’ll give you that. She willingly gave herself over to one of the bloodsuckers, something that rankles my very nature in a very basic way. I personally think she was a wee bit stupid, as a mage, to leash yourself to a vamp, sign away your ability to just say “no, fuck off” without really marshalling your will against his wishes, but I’m a Guarosi, I value freedom.

And trying to claim love is bull. If he returned your love, he wouldn’t ask you to be practically a slave to him.

 

Marcus

This one confuses me. I should hate him, he’s an old vamp and they’re the most dangerous to my kind, but still…In some ways I can’t help but feel sorry for him a little. At the same time, I don’t like what he’s done in the past. Though I know all about making amends for past mistakes and fucking up with people you actually do care about, so I can’t be too harsh on him. I don’t know his full history, but I know that people change. The fact that he realizes how close he is to losing himself and doesn’t want that…Jeeze, almost with I could help the guy.

Damn him…I should be wanting to rip out his throat…

 

Jett

Guarosi senses tingling, danger Will Robinson, and all that jazz. This one is more than a bit of a danger. This guy raises my hackles a bit, but not for what he’s done as much. Hell, all everyone’s got shit in their past that is pretty fucked up, but his attitude, his anger, and just this general sense of badness in his future doesn’t bode well. Over two hundred years old for a race that is supposed to be mature at eighteen…I didn’t display that much childish angst or surliness at that age and we mature considerably later than two hundred.

Words of advice for you, kid: Grow up and get over it. You have family on the way, you’re making the gestures that you want to settle into the good guy routine, but…jeeze. You’re nearly as explosive of temper as an untried Pi’rias**. Yes, bad shit happened to you. Boo hoo. Guess what, it happens. Sometimes the monsters win. You can’t let yourself turn into one of them or they win, again.

*Dy'si - A being that one swears protection to for their lack of being able to protect themselves
**Py'rias - A Guardian whose elemental affinity is fire. Younger members of this caste are known for their explosive and sometimes violent tempers.

Not sure why this popped to mind or even if it's finished yet.

Alex sat on the chair in the middle of the room. She didn’t really know why she was there, but she was calm. She knew she was safe there, even if she wasn’t sure where “there” was. She looked idly about a little, but as she turned her head to look up towards the right, she felt a hand rest on her shoulder and slide over it, down her collarbone to rest just over her heart. “Hello, Alex,” whispered a sultry female voice in her ear. Alex went still, her eyes widening and heart racing as she recognized the voice, “What…what do you want?”

A low chuckle answered her question, “What I’ve always wanted, Alex.” The person moved around from behind Alex and knelt in front of her. Her own face looked back at her, her mouth twisting into a cruel mockery of Alex’s own smile. The brown eyes reflected neither the smile nor anything else, seeming hollow of any emotion whatsoever. One eyebrow quirked upwards as she regarded her waking self, “I want us to be safe. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?”

Love
Jackie: It hurts worse than anything a Get could ever do to you, but it’s much harder to pull away. It’s addictive, exhilarating,
Alex: Love runs deeper than anything imaginable when it is true. It fills you, makes you whole, makes you feel complete.
Moriya: Love…is a confusing thing. I don’t know what to make of it anymore.
The Voice: It makes it harder to see the truth, to do what you must.
Vivian: Love warms the very core of your being, makes you feel at home, truly, for the first time.
Paul: It can tame the lion and make bold the lamb. It can heal the heart in ways unimaginable and make whole the soul, even if you did not know part of yours was missing.
Joey: One of the most wonderful emotions that should come with no strings attached. Being in love should kind of be like falling, but know you’ll be safely caught; exciting, a little dangerous, but ultimately something you can feel secure in.

Fear
Jackie: Fear comes for two reasons: To protect yourself and to protect those you love. In either case, acting on it can be good, just choose your course of action carefully.
Alex: Fear prevents so much happiness…keeps people from doing so much.
Moriya: Fear sucks. Remind yourself that you're Big Woman on Campus and get a hold of yourself.
The Voice: Fear is a useful tool, but not one we should bother with enduring ourselves
Vivian: Primal, powerful, and sometimes without reason, it can drive people to do thinks unthinkable.
Paul: Fear is a powerful force. It can change you if you allow it…
Joey: Fear controls. It changes opinions, viewpoints, and perspectives easily. The world would be a much better if it did not exist, but as it is, most people live in fear of something. Even if they themselves don’t know it.

Hate
Jackie: I...really don't get this one. I mean, I know what it is, but comprehending it on the level you're asking...
Alex: Hate lurks behind fear, waiting for the chance to lash out. It has no reason, no compassion, no forgiveness.
Moriya: Everyone likes ta say they don't hate, but everyone hates something. I'm no different.
The Voice: Good to twist the mind, but otherwise far too dangerous to play with when it run deep.
Vivian: It fractures the spirit, not only of those who endure it, but also of those on whom it is inflicted on.
Paul: The most terrifying emotion when in full force and on display
Joey: I don’t think it would exist without fear. As it is, it has caused the most damage to mankind, no matter what mask of reason it has worn throughout history. People prey on it, feed it, then turn it lose on the rest of the world. The blackest and most damaging emotion one can endure.

** Yes, I know Joey isn't actually a character. She just tossed in her two cents anyway.

I never asked for this.

I didn’t ask for this whole falling in love thing. I was right, it hurts, but it’s addictive. It’s like finally realizing that all the other emotions I’d ever had were 40-watt bulbs and suddenly, in come Jett, burning into my soul like the sun…okay, ironic analogy for a vampire, but that’s how it is. He’s hurt me, pretty bad too, and I know some of the shit he’s done, and I can’t just walk away. I’m addicted to him in the worst possible way, but it’s not his bite. That I could get from any vamp…it’s the way he sings to me when I’m upset, or how he can know just what to say to make me smile…Now when I go back to the apartment and he won’t be there tonight, I suddenly remember what it is to be lonely.

I’m used to being on my own, alone. Even back in Jersey, the other shifters kind of kept me at arm’s length, my breed’s reputation speaking before I could. Now here…Here, I have Jett and Billy and Alex and Rich. Now I have a life I’m building, people I want to protect and see happy. Now I have a vested interest in my life and the lives around me. Now I have things I don’t want to just walk away from. Now I have the twins on the way.

And the twins…I’m afraid of and for them. Afraid of them because…I never wanted to be a mother. Never in a million years dreamt of it. I’m damaged goods; I know that, and getting more damaged by the day it seems. What kind of life do they have to look forward to with me? With Jett, for that matter? With some of the stuff he’s done…can I trust him? What happens if he looses his temper with them, or slips and reverts back to old ways, even a little? What is the big thing Coyote has planned for them, though I guess I really don’t want to know that one. Bad enough having some sort of role in spirit’s plans, worse to have your parents know them and raise you with them in mind. Better to just be able to be kids…

Okay, I don’t have a way of ending this little foray into my mind save to say I really am damaged goods…

Alex sat, looking at the blank paper before her, pencil in hand. She knew there was something waiting to leap onto the pristine white surface, though she didn’t really know what yet. Experimentally, she put the pencil down to lightly touch the sheet and started to move it. Not really paying attention to what she was drawing, she watched almost detachedly as the basic outline of a face emerged. She outlined where the eyes would be drawn in and sketched in the hair. She felt a mild discomfort looking at it, but didn’t quite know why. The mouth and nose came next, filling in easily, as though she had her subject standing right next to her.

Then came the eyes. She bent over the pad and worked on them, agonizing over minute details, taking a long time to make sure they were right. When at last she was finished, she leaned back and stared in shock. What stared back at her were eyes filled with laughter, eyes that crinkled at the corners with the smile. Eyes that were so familiar to her, that she had never really thought about until they were gone.

With something of a strangled sound, she ripped the paper out and tore it again and again until the sheet more resembled a handful of confetti. With the bits of the sketch littered around her, she folded her arms on her desk and lay her head on them, her body shaking with her sobs.

Love
Jackie: You start to love someone, or even just care for them a bit, and you'll lose them. It's better not to try.
Alex: Love is precious and should be guarded or it'll be taken from you.
Moriya: Love is a nice dream, but it ain't the answer ta all of life's problems.
The Voice: Love clouds the issue. It's a superfluous emotion.
Vivian: Any love worth having comes with some form of duty. Embrace both and you can lose yourself in it.

Fear
Jackie: Fear is instinct's way of telling you something's wrong. Don't react to it, act on it.
Alex: Fear can be as touchable as a flame and just as damaging. It can take over your whole being if you let it.
Moriya: Fear sucks. Remind yourself that you're Big Woman on Campus and get a hold of yourself.
The Voice: Fear is a useful tool, but not one we should bother with enduring ourselves
Vivian: You can fear everything in life if you like, but you'll never achieve what it is you desire by living in its shadow.

Hate
Jackie: I...really don't get this one. I mean, I know what it is, but comprehending it on the level you're asking...
Alex: Hate lurks behind fear, waiting for the chance to lash out. It has no reason, no compassion, no forgiveness.
Moriya: Everyone likes ta say they don't hate, but everyone hates something. I'm no different.
The Voice: Good to twist the mind, but otherwise far too dangerous to play with when it run deep.
Vivian: Possibly the single most destructive emotion mankind has ever had the displeasure of experiencing.

Moriya watched the door close as Sean left the room she’d been given for the night. A moment after she heard the click, she went over and locked it, ensuring her privacy for the night. And what, pray tell, were you doing? There was the little voice she knew was going to speak up, the one that lived all the way at the back of her head. She sighed as she walked over to the bed again, pulling off her jacket, “What do ya mean, what was I doin’?”

The massage, the staring at him…hell, the laying down with him. You don’t do that. It was annoying…it knew her so well. Then again, it was her, wasn’t it? “I also don’ do drugs, do I? Yet, there I was, stoned off one puff…god I feel like an ass…” She folded the jacket carefully and put it aside, proceeding to remove the shoulder holster and look for a safe place to stow it for the night. Resigning herself to this game of devil’s advocate, she spoke to herself, “It’s not like I did anything illicit. He looked tense; I gave him a massage…”

And got so flustered when he so much as touched your hand.

“I did not. Get. Flustered.” She spoke slowly, through partially gritted teeth as she stalked the room towards the bathroom. As she proceeded to strip, the voice continued in that same grating tone, Yes. You. Did. You were all over him like a horny teenager downstairs as well. What are you doing? This is a job, and we don’t get emotionally involved in our jobs. She stepped into the shower and turned on the water, adjusting the temperature to be just outside her heat tolerance as though trying to drown out that voice with the burning. As usual, it didn’t work, Oh, you like him don’t you? All that talk about handsome and intelligent…Money doesn’t attract you but those do. And the fact that he’s not a stuck up asshole like your family helps too, doesn’t it? Maybe you can even get the final one-upmanship on your brother with him?

The turned off the hot water, letting the freezing temperature shock her over warm skin, “Nah, he’s just a nice guy. He needs a little space and I can give that ta him with only a little effort on my part…” Yet, you’re giving it a lot of effort. Who were you fooling when you were all alone and sucking face? “No one. It was practice for when we do have an audience.”

She could hear the derision in it’s voice, Oh, I see. Just practice. And that moment when you were so afraid to move because you didn’t know how to react to him holding your hand…that was just practice.

“No, that…”

Or that moment you…you...nearly blushed at his goodbye. That was just practice too.

“No, I’m just, ya know, not used ta compliments.” She stepped out of the shower, her skin slightly redder and shivering at the same time. She began to dry herself off, “He’s just a friend.”

He can’t be a friend, Moriya Ann McTaggart. We are providing a service for him, ergo he is a client and cannot be friend. And your level of interest is above and beyond ‘friend’.

She pauses, towel in both her hands, “…I…” She starts to dry her hair, walking out clad in a bathrobe, “Well, maybe that’s a good thing.” The voice was quiet for a moment, a rare thing, Explain.

She blinks and hastily tried to compose her jumbled thoughts into something she could use to defend herself, “Well, there should be a certain amount of believability that we have an attraction to each other, right? Well, actually being attracted to him will make it easier to pass off as a couple.” She sighs, “’Sides, if it gets too bad, I can tell him to find another stand-in and walk away.”

And if you’re in too deep to walk away?

Moriya considered this, “I think I’m strong enough ta leave him.”

We’ll see. With that, the voice seemed to be content to leave her alone in the resounding silence of her room. She looked in the mirror and sighed, “Some day, ya stupid bint, I’m gonna figure out how ta make ya quiet for good…”

To commemerate the start of a brand new journal, I, <lj user="silverguardian">, shall now list a few characters whom I hope to write about. in addition to the 'introspectives' from my various RPG characters.

Jade Madeline Ann Monroe
    A musician/ singer/songwriter trying to make it big by playing where ever she can get a gig. Her music is powerful, moving even, but it's not just her songs...
Theme: Dumb Girls - Lucy Woodward

Vivian Lewis
    Vi was forced to grow up early when her mother sickened and died, leaving her father to provide alone for six children. She, being the oldest, became the surrogate mother for her siblings and helped raise them. When her father became ill when she was 19, she began to work to provide for them. Eight years later, the last child had gone off to college and she was entertaining the thought of following her dream and going to med school. Too bad she encountered someone she's never live to regret meeting.
Theme: Wash Away Those Years - Creed

Cleosia Malkin
    Cleosia crawled out of her grave very much alive and alone in the world. She found herself hunted by those that wanted to destroy her, those that wanted to control her and those that thought she was some sort of divine coming, all because of a legend. Burdened by a heritage and a destiny she knows precious little about, she must learn more about herself and her place in the world.
Theme: Put Your Lights On - Santana

Alex Mason (Original)
    Created in a corporate lab with an eye towards creating a living, breathing weapon, Alex (originally "Prototype HX-284") is freed from her lab and faces adjusting to a normal life. At least, as normal as the strange side effects of her creation allows...
Theme: Somewhere I Belong - Linkin Park